New York Times pisses off conservatives with its talk of single women

The New York Times published a story last week about how 51% of American women are now living without a spouse:

William H. Frey, a demographer with the Brookings Institution, a research group in Washington, described the shift as “a clear tipping point, reflecting the culmination of post-1960 trends associated with greater independence and more flexible lifestyles for women.”

“For better or worse, women are less dependent on men or the institution of marriage,” Dr. Frey said. “Younger women understand this better, and are preparing to live longer parts of their lives alone or with nonmarried partners. For many older boomer and senior women, the institution of marriage did not hold the promise they might have hoped for, growing up in an ‘Ozzie and Harriet’ era.”

This apparently did not sit well with conservatives, who immediately accused the New York Times of lying. The National Review called it “cheerleading for divorce.” Rush Limbaugh claims the article is an example of “another far, left-wing, extremist agenda, i.e., the redefinition of a family, the redefinition of traditional family….”

The problem is that for many people the family has been redefined whether they wanted it to be or not. Why are we as a society so threatened by this? So what if the family is redefined?

Instead of attacking the messenger, we should be focused on making sure families- regardless of their structure – work in the best interest of their members.

Dating after divorce

I write about post-divorce from a single mom’s perspective but it was interesting to read about the experiences of a single dad. 

In this post, Ray discusses dating after divorce.  What most struck me is how much it is the same for men and women.  Trying to navigate the dating waters after having lived in the shallow end for so many years is not easy.  I suggest wearing a life jacket. (smile). 

on being comfortably single

 

One of the hardest parts about my separation and divorce was suddenly finding myself single again after 12 years of marriage.  I have never felt so all alone in the world.  You don’t realize how much you truly become “one” as a maried couple until that spouse is no longer there.  The process of feeling whole as a single person is not easy and does not come all at once.  It will take time. 

I found this article on the Divorce Mag website that I thought was extremely helpful.  The article captures the process one goes through as you slowly accept your single status and eventually embrace it.  I am three years out from my separation and I can tell you I am still not totally there in terms of feeling comfortably single.  I often find myself watching couples walk together hand in hand and I want that in my life more than anything and, in fact, I have stayed in some mediocre and even bad relationships just to avoid being single again. 

The article includes the following “test” to see where you are in the process of becoming comfortably single:

Ask yourself these questions to gauge your progress:

1. I am comfortable being single.
2. I can be happy as a single person.
3. I am comfortable going to social events as a single person.
4. I see being single as an acceptable alternative lifestyle.
5. I am becoming a whole person rather than a half-person looking for my other lost half.
6. I am spending time investing in my own personal growth rather than looking for another love relationship.
7. I can look at my friends as people I want to be with rather than as potential love partners.
8. If I have children and family, I can spend time enjoying being with them rather than begrudging the time they take from my personal life.
9. I have found internal peace and contentment as a single person.

My resolution this year is to become comfortably single.  To date myself for the first time in my life. 

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”  ~ Oscar Wilde