on being comfortably single

 

One of the hardest parts about my separation and divorce was suddenly finding myself single again after 12 years of marriage.  I have never felt so all alone in the world.  You don’t realize how much you truly become “one” as a maried couple until that spouse is no longer there.  The process of feeling whole as a single person is not easy and does not come all at once.  It will take time. 

I found this article on the Divorce Mag website that I thought was extremely helpful.  The article captures the process one goes through as you slowly accept your single status and eventually embrace it.  I am three years out from my separation and I can tell you I am still not totally there in terms of feeling comfortably single.  I often find myself watching couples walk together hand in hand and I want that in my life more than anything and, in fact, I have stayed in some mediocre and even bad relationships just to avoid being single again. 

The article includes the following “test” to see where you are in the process of becoming comfortably single:

Ask yourself these questions to gauge your progress:

1. I am comfortable being single.
2. I can be happy as a single person.
3. I am comfortable going to social events as a single person.
4. I see being single as an acceptable alternative lifestyle.
5. I am becoming a whole person rather than a half-person looking for my other lost half.
6. I am spending time investing in my own personal growth rather than looking for another love relationship.
7. I can look at my friends as people I want to be with rather than as potential love partners.
8. If I have children and family, I can spend time enjoying being with them rather than begrudging the time they take from my personal life.
9. I have found internal peace and contentment as a single person.

My resolution this year is to become comfortably single.  To date myself for the first time in my life. 

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”  ~ Oscar Wilde